Forward Forever, Backwards Never…
I have been in quarantine with my children since Christmas after contracting COVID.
Today, I finally tested negative, even though I still feel achey and have a pretty nasty cough.
Not exactly the way I envisioned ringing in the Gregorian New Year.
Nevertheless, I am so grateful to see 2025.
In November, just hours before I was to celebrate my best friend becoming our district’s congressional representative, I was rushed to the hospital. I had reached the pinnacle of what I now know was a weeks-long diabetic emergency. I hadn’t been feeling well for at least two months, I thought it was the stress from changes in my job, the death of loved ones and dealing with a very dismal election and legislative season.
I had just come back from a beautiful trip to Mexico City with some amazing women in philanthropy. I ate some of the most amazing food, experienced Dia de los Muertos in the land of my grandfather and ancestors and yet, it was life changing in more ways than one; my intuition was working overtime- telling me what to eat and not eat, when to head back to the airbnb and rest and to skip the alcohol and dessert. Decisions that saved my life while my diabetes diagnosis was still unknown.
537 million people worldwide live with diabetes. Several members of my family have lived with it for some time. Yet, I was embarrassed and frustrated that this was now my reality.
I was told that I should prepare for a life of giving myself insulin. While in the hospital, I was taught how to prick myself to check my blood sugar and how to give myself insulin. I was told by every nurse to face the inevitable and get use to giving myself insulin multiple times a day, everyday for the rest of my life.
I was released from the hospital on November 7th. The last time I gave myself insulin was November 9th. On December 27th, I was told to get rid of the insulin. I had managed to keep my blood sugar below 130 for more than 14 days straight. The dietary and physical changes I was making were working.
I choose life. I am grateful for every day I get to wake up and continue to choose life. 30 years ago that meant the discipline to not choose drugs and alcohol. Today it means choosing to love myself enough to nourish my body.
And here we are. Getting over covid on the last days of 2024.
Believe it or not, even this has been a blessing. I have been forced to rest when I planned on working and getting ahead of some deadlines. Instead, I listened to audiobooks, slept and drank lots of tea.
I have had the opportunity to use food as medicine and seeing how my body now reacts to tinctures, cocktails of herbs and juices.
I was also able to reflect on how amazing my 2024 was without distraction. 2024 treated my well:
I started the year off on the other side of the country visiting family.
Hosted 60 of the most amazing and influential women in the Bay Area at my second Give Folx Flowers Brunch in March.
I started meditating again.
I made a commitment to returning to church (online) and even visited my new church when I went to LA.
I hosted some powerful regional convenings with Credible Messengers across the state of California over the last four months.
I spent September and October crossing off bucketlist items:
I saw Incubus at the Chase Center (and brought my children along)
As well as, The Green 808 at Holo Holo Fest (not to mention, Josh Tatofi, Ian Tongi, Kolohe Kai, J Boog and Fia). One of my favorite moments from this year was hearing “Coming Home” live.
I visited Mexico City during Dia de los Muertos with two dear close friends, one who I have now known for 20 years.
I became the coordinator of the fellowship I was once part of and will have the honor of supporting the dynamic work of 8 amazing leaders over the next three years.
I also unexpectedly lost a dear friend and sister and my daughter’s grandmother, both of whom I was estranged from. We lost my husband father and my children’s last grandpa (the man that raised my husband) and subsequently found out that his family never saw my husband or my children as their family- a major blow and punch to all of our guts.
And just days ago, we lost my husband’s mom’s last full-blooded brother. Her and all four of her brothers now together on the other side with their parents who passed away some time ago.
I’ve watched close friends and loved ones, including my children make major milestones!
For the past few years, every year, despite the losses and challenges, and the chaos of the world, the years get better. There was a time in my life, when I would have thought these were just coincidences, but I am getting better at acknowledging this is my life and that these aren’t coincidences, but manifestations and that I am worthy of experiencing all the things.
As we welcome 2025, I am moving forward embracing that this year will bring more loss. It will bring more challenges, but it will also bring more joy, more opportunities to try new things, and more reasons to love others.
We move forever forward, backwards never.
So what do I have going on in 2025?
Well, you’re looking at my most exciting adventure this year: my website.
Every year, I set goals, and over the last 5 years, these goals have included small personal creative projects to keep me looking forward throughout the year. The first year, I created a pretty successful candle venture, the second year, I began consulting and training. I also delved deep into my love of investigating the past and created a History of Juvenile Justice in California timeline (which I am still working on), the third and fourth year, I created Give Folx Flowers and this year, I decided to host a website that can house my thoughts.
In addition to this personal reflection blog, Senses of Sonder, I am leaning in to my love of all things San Francisco/Bay Area and will be sharing history on prominent movements that shaped the landscape of San Francisco and Bay Area culture , as well as stories about iconic places and spaces and interviews with some the Bay’s most prominent activist, artist and leaders about what it was like to growing up here and what they love most about our beautiful region. You can read my first installation of Dressing in Layers here. If you would be open to being interviewed, please feel free to reach out!
It means hosting my third Give Folx Flowers brunch- this time I will be creating a committee of Flower Bearers to help coordinate this one. I am also hoping for Give Folx Flowers to bloom into some collaborative activities with these beautiful human beings. Individually, each of these women hold down their community in powerful ways. Some of them have worked together and moved mountains. What can we do to support our people and each other together in 2025?
I am also excited to facilitate some juvenile and criminal justice peer exchanges this year. Shit is about to hit the fan politically and economically around the country. It is time for us to get hyper focused on what our liberation looks like, what our joy and solidarity looks like and look for the blueprints others have created and left behind so that we don’t have to reinvent the wheel. There are amazing people all over the country who have answers and solutions that we can implement and innovate in our own back yard. I am looking forward to being a conduit that can facilitate some of these conversations and visits to learn and share.
And addition to all this, I am looking forward to more walks and meals with good friends, opportunities to celebrate my community, activities to engage my inner child and celebrating the everyday milestones that give life meaning.
So, what are you looking forward to this year? What projects and goals are you cultivating in 2025? How can community support or cheer you on? How can we help?
I’d love to know in the comments.
No matter what you look forward to, I pray your 2025 is full of good health, joy and fun.
